Just Shit

It’s all just shit really, every part of it.  People may try to tell you that there are good things, or moments that make it all worth it, but that is no longer the norm.  Life, to most, is just shit.  When you fall within a certain economical and educational demographic, the reality is that life will only ever be as good as it is.  The majority of the blue collar class will never achieve greatness or even financial freedom, instead we will be working our asses off just to support ourselves.

I have been working since I was 12, I took on an after school baby sitting gig for $50 a week for the whole school year.  It consumed all of my time, and yet I agreed, because it was what I thought I was suppose to do.  I worked throughout high school, giving up things that I loves, music ensembles, plays and sunbathing while pretending to run track. Again I did this because it was simply what I was suppose to do.  I had to support myself, even as a child. I knew that it was the way of life.  I worked through college, at times having at least 3 jobs and a full course load, because it was what was expected of me.  I never once questioned it, I just worked.

I still just work, I am 32, no kids, husband, family or even pets, and yet I work.  I currently work at least 65 hours a week, often times 6 to 7 days a week.  I give it my all, I dedicate every waking hour to this job, I have once again sacrificed anything that may give me a little joy, all because I don’t know any other way.  

The sad thing is, I am not wealthy, I am not debt free, nor do I own nice things.  I am still just lower middle class.  It does not matter how much or how hard I work, this will forever be my lot in life.  I am not smart enough to advance beyond my nature path, and I’m not lazy enough to fall below.  I am just stuck, stuck working with no reason, losing any semblance of myself or what makes me happy.  And it’s all just because this is what I have been taught.  I am nothing other than my work ethic and my responsibility. But the truth is I am just nothing.  
My life seems to be a huge fucking waste of time.  I work to sustain my life, so I can in turn keep working.  But why?  I have made nothing of my life that would be worth sustaining.  I know that I will never get ahead, or fall behind for that matter, I will merely always keep sustaining…solely because it is what I am suppose to do.  But I don’t think I want to anymore, if I’m just getting by to get by, I’d rather do it on some tropical fucking island where I can sell fruit I picked to make ends meet.  My current life does not, in fact, make any sense.  My life is just shit, as is the case for most people, it will never not be shit, so why on earth am I working so hard for this shit?  

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About D.D.W

Life can be a little hard at times, I write about it to make it a little less painful.

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