To Just Feel
I can’t actually tell you how I feel, and not because I can’t find the words, but because I am afraid they will be misconstrued. For some reason, still slightly unknown to me, I decided to enter into this situation, being fully aware of the facts and the situation.
So where does this leave me, I know that I agreed and signed up for this, I knew that in no capacity could you ever be mine, really mine. But my mind can not control my metaphorical heart and to put it simply, I love you. This love, however, is not to be taken for anything more than that, love.
It seems that it’s nearly impossible to take anything for exactly for what it is. We are always reading into everything, trying to find the deeper meaning or the double entendre that may exist. Nothing is allowed to just be what is it, the sky is no longer blue but a reflection of the ocean, just as love is not love, but a million other emotions and feelings all wrapped up into one four letter word. People no longer believe in simplicity and the art of directness, people can no longer take anything at its word, everything always has a deeper meaning.
So than what happens when you just feel something, truly and fully without any strings attached.. When there is nothing attached to the the feeling, no emotion or pre-existing circumstance making or controlling your feelings. Is it possible for a feeling, an emotion, to just purely exist, to just be a fact with nothing else surrounding it or controlling it. To have that feeling not expect anything in return, it just is what it is.
I feel love, what I know to be true love. This comes with no obligation or misunderstanding. I do not feel this love in hopes of future, a relationship or any other type of commitment. I just simply feel it. I feel love. I know all of the circumstances surrounding this love and yet it does not stop or deter me. Because I do not feel this love for anything in return. I will not speak those three words to make anyone say or feel them back. For the first time in my life I own the fact that I just feel something entirely. I love fully and completely, without expecting anything in return. I feel grateful that I have been given the chance to feel something as it is, without any expectations or stipulations. I just love, because this is all I can do, all I can think or feel. It’s just love, pure, intense and completely unreal.