On to the next one…or not.

All it took was one date for me to fall completely and with every day that feeling grew into more, until I wanted to drug you and marry you.  Hell I liked you so much I would have gotten knocked up by you and I’ve never wanted children.  But then you left, I knew you were going to, you told me that from the get go.  Unfortunately that information did not stop me from getting entirely attached.  But as I said now you are gone, so very far away.

So what do I do now?  I try to move on and date, telling myself it is my only option.  Even if by some crazy chance you do return, there certainly is no guarantee that what we had was anything.  It was most likely all in my head, I concocted this whirlwind romance because I knew it was safe.  There was no real fear, the rejection was upfront due to you only being here temporarily.  Thus I went for it with full gusto, I was honest and vulnerable.  I told you how I felt about you and talked about family and dreams.  I laughed with you, slept with you, drank too much with you and had an amazing time.  Then cried when it was all over.  For the first time, in what feels like an eternity, I committed to someone, someone I knew could not commit to me.  

The problem is that not only were you handsome, hung and had an awesome accent but I never got to know you well enough to see the bad.  I don’t have any memories of you upsetting or disgusting me, I don’t have enough material to convince myself that I dodged a bullet.  All I have left is the pedestal I put you on.
Now I need to try and find someone new, hopefully someone with an accent who is interesting. But the truth is, even if I find that person I won’t be happy, not unless their is a time stamp on it.  Not the typical time stamp of inevitable rejection, but some type of extenuating circumstances forcing a separation before I get to the point of hurt and disappointment or even worse, boredom.  Maybe I’ll just use waiting for you as an excuse to stop trying altogether…maybe you are infact, just perfect.

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About D.D.W

Life can be a little hard at times, I write about it to make it a little less painful.

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